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秋春粉墨

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New Year's Resolutions (although a bit late)  

2012-01-20 02:17:03|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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The start of 2012 has been a rocky one.

The situation at my company has gone, unbelievably, from bad to worse.

I'm tired and stressed everyday from the overtime and the amount of pressure put on me; but more than just suffer from fatigue, I'm more ashamed than anything.  I don't feel good working for this company.  I feel like some number, some figure in their grand scheme of money making and whether I'm in good health or spirit is of no matter to them.  My skill and labor put into the company goes unrecognized, and the combination of poor treatment and increased workload is pushing me to the brink.

My boyfriend said this was one of the most meaningful sentences I've ever blurted out:

"My company treats me and everyone like shit, but the worst part of this situation is I'm LETTING them treat me like shit--and this can be changed."

Although my wording may be a bit crude, I feel that sums it up.  No one is chaining me to the desk, and I am not going to brainwash myself into thinking there is nothing better than this company and I'm doomed to this situation with no way out.

I don't mind the overtime.  I don't mind the pressure.  What I DO mind is the reason behind the overtime and pressure from lack of proper planning, the missing management and mentoring, and the complete lack of loyalty and pride for its employees that this company has yet to display.

So that brings in...

New year's resolution number one:  I'm going to quit my company.

To quote my Vietnamese co-worker as she did overtime until 2 AM multiple days in a row: "I'm fed up."

Then what to do with my life?  I've been asking myself this question for the last two years, and I don't know why in god's name I didn't ask myself sooner.  I always thought, after university, I would live in Japan, figure things out, then somehow work in a big, fancy company and make buckets of money.

After realizing life was not so simple (and full time investment banking probably didn't suit my personality), I started thinking about what would give me joy--and support me--for the rest of my existence.

What am I good at and what do I enjoy to do?

New year's resolution number two:  I will aim to attain a master's degree in Chinese/Japanese to English translation

While doing translation work these last few years, I realized that there is a HUGE difference between being able to speak a language and translating something properly.  I want to become a better translator, and to do this I need proper training.  I need someone screaming at me and telling me how shitty my language skills are.  I need my ass kicked. 

Not only does translation pay well, but I enjoy it more than most other work.  I think in this life, we should make the most of the skills god gave us and, although I was not gifted with the genius to invent another theory of relativity or create the internet, I do feel that I was given the talent of acquiring languages and speaking them well--and I must make full use of this ability.

To do this, first..

New Year's resolution number three:  I will pass HSK (Chinese Proficiency Test) Level 6

...and I believe this will happen.

Although it may be impossible unless I somehow strike it rich, this year, if possible, I really want to..

New Year's resolution number four:
Pay off my student loan

I need this stupid nuisance eradicated from my life.

New Year's Resolution number fiveBring my boyfriend to the states (for a visit!)

Will make it happen!!!

After getting pissed of at work, calling my boyfriend crying about life's woes, passionately wailing to my aunt about my drastic situation and starring at a cup of Pu'er tea while I contemplate late, I finally, finally, FINALLY feel like I have some direction in my life.  I know what I want to do, I know what will make me feel good about myself, and I know how to put my skills to use.  I may not be happy 100% of the time being a translator, but I know I will say with confidence that:

"I am a full time translator."


And, if god is willing, I would love to get a ph.D in linguistics, language and politics, international relations, something... and fulfill my dream of becoming a teacher.  My professor at Waseda told me that I have the ability to be a researcher and his faith in me motivate me to do better.  This shit company is not where I belong, and I will not limit myself to this hell of enduring torment.  I want to believe my professor's and move forward; I want to become a teacher and help people, change lives, and inspire those that want to learn.  I want to share my knowledge.

2012, the year of the dragon, is going to be my year of big change and success.

I feel it.

"Mary, you're going to be flying on new year--and not just flying, but flying into the future full of opportunity!"

That's right.  I'm not going to let anyone knock me down.

I can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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