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拍敢頚朝

飛声議貧今伏試

 
 
 

晩崗

 
 

Many recent college graduates are asking themselves: Just what the hell am I doing with my life?  

2012-11-14 00:03:19|  蛍窃 潮範蛍窃 |  炎禰 |訟烏 |忖催 匡堋

  和墮LOFTER 厘議孚頭慕  |
First of all..
Many recent college graduates are asking themselves: Just what the hell am I doing with my life? - maryhalloran - 拍敢頚朝
 
I picked up my latest issue of "Kan Tian Xia" mainly for the awesome cover.  Nothing says more about 2012 than the presidential candidates doing Gangam style on the cover of a Chinese magazine.  Yup.

But god, look at Obama's face!  They picked the PERFECT picture!  I mean, shit, I would vote for him just cause he knows how to jam out to Gangam style way better than Mitt Romney... am I right!?

So anyway, back to the title of my entry...  I think in this age of financial crisis and high waves of unemployment, many American graduates (and European, as I hear) are feeling pretty bleak about their future.  When they graduate, there is no job to be found.  All that money I spent to go to school, 50-60k, and for what?  To be stuck with a job that doesn't even cover my rent, and has absolutely nothing to do with my major?  It's been a shock for all of us.

Thus, I moved to China.  While this wasn't the MAIN reason I moved to China, it was one of them.  My opportunities in America were lacking, and more than that I wanted to get more international experience while, hopefully, earning a paycheck.  Shanghai solved all my problems in that area--mainly thanks to my expertise in Japanese, I was able to land a consulting job and make a pretty high salary compared to that of the typical Chinese graduate.

The job was stimulating and beneficial, but the stress was intense, the workload massive, and my managers--well, to put bluntly, dicks.  I don't mind being worked to death or having high stress, but having a shitty boss that will never change is something I, as a 26 year old individual, didn't want to put up with.  But... then what?  Is consulting what I want to do?  Or do I just randomly change jobs to another company that needs a Japanese/Chinese/English speaker?  What is it that I can do?

I did a lot of translation/interpreting work and realized that it was not only flexible, but it made a ton of money.  I was making 1,000 dollars in a matter of days, and sometimes I was even able to earn up to 5k in a month.  That's pretty awesome for doing work at my time, my convenience, and where I want.

But my translation skills definitely needed some honing.  I wanted to be schooled my a professional.  Thus, here I am at Shanghai International Studies University studying interpreting.

What do I have to say about this school?  I don't want to complain, but I'm just going to say this: THIS SCHOOL SUCKS.  DO NOT EVER GO TO SHANGWAI.  EVER.  ANYBODY.  DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME HERE.  THE TRANSLATION PROGRAM IS TERRIBLE.  TEACHERS JUST WANT TO MAKE MONEY AND DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU.

That aside, I realized that I'm the worst student in the class.  I struggle.  A lot.  I can't make simple Chinese sentences sometimes, and it seems like I'm constantly looking up words in my dictionary.  I'm a wreck.  When the teacher calls on me to translate, it's like being summoned for execution by guillotine.  It's terrible.

Which has lead me to the conclusion: What am I doing with my life? 

I'm a Japanese major.  Speaking Japanese to me is like drinking water.  What the hell am I doing studying Chinese/English interpreting?  Yes, my Chinese is not terrible and my normal standards its quite good, but in comparison to Japanese it's just not up to par.  I need to be specializing in Japanese and English, with Chinese being secondary.

Being at this school has been a soul crushing, eye opening experience.  It has me thinking about so many things at once--being away from home, my age, my marital status, my language ability, my future career, my social image--everything is on the line.  This huge transition from being a full time employee to a full time student has really hit me hard.  I've gained 10 kg, I find myself lost, starring at Chinese characters and listening to Chinese news without a clue. 

I feel lost.

But at the same time, I feel grateful for this scholarship.  I can go to graduate school for FREE.  I can potentially become an interpreter without paying a dime for my rent or tuition.  If I bust my ass, I could potentially turn my whole career around and become so kick ass at Chinese.

But in the end... will this have any job opportunity, especially since there are so many Chinese/English speakers in the market?  And what about my Japanese?  Will it wither away while I drive toward success in Chinese?

All this questions are crushing me.  Literally.  I need some guidance, but I have nowhere to look but myself.  It scares me.  I want help, I want someone to tell me what to do--but life isn't so easy.

I guess all I can do is believe in the government scholarship I was given and do my best to achieve success.  If my real calling is Japanese, then I will end up on that path in the end somehow.

Japanese has been my escape these days, but mostly because the pressure of Chinese is always surrounding me that if I don't find some form of escapism I'll lose my mind.  I listen to Japanese like a lullaby.  I watch anime from old (Cowboy Bebop), my favorite Japanese songs (Sakanaction) and I look at the pictures I took while I lived there.  I miss Japan in a sickening way, and more than anything--I just miss speaking that language I feel so familiar with.

Well, another day of classes tomorrow.  Augh.  Another day of public humiliation...

それでは、また書業。。。。
  得胎宸嫖
 
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